He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
