i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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