She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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