yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize