I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
