We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize