you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
