I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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