I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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