evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
