i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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