Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
