also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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