I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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