I think I am morally bankrupt
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
