i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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