I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
