tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
