I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm too high and old for this...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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