Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
