Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
