running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
