there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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