that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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