Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
