Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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