I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
