I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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