My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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