my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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