Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
