I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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