I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
