Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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