Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
