Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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