I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
