the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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