After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
