Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
