she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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