The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
