wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
