I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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