ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize