Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
handjob tips. give me some.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
