I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
