getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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