i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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