I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
