Already got asked if we're dating
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
