sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
