My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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