He had one of those small greek statue penises
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
