worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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