oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
