He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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