someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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