Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
