why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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