no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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