i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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