party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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