I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
