Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
