After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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