maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
