i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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