I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
