You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize