I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
