Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
