im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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